The Language of Expertise: Part 2

In my previous post I introduced the Four Power Communication Skills that women can use to communicate their expertise, and harness it in service of advancing their careers. I want many more women to stand up and identify ourselves as experts, so that we can claim our rightful place at the top of every industry. To paraphrase RBG, women belong in all the rooms where experts are respected. It takes courage to reject sexist narratives about women in the workforce and gain the respect and influence that our expertise deserves. These Power Skills will help you advocate for your expertise in any situation. 

Last time I shared the first Power Skill, which is the Language of Opinion. Today I’m going to share number two, which is The Language of Persuasion.

Experts have influence because their expertise illuminates things that we can’t see on our own. When we engage with a subject matter expert, we may come with preconceived notions, or even strong opinions, about something in their domain. But the expert has a deep

well of skills, knowledge, experience and wisdom to draw from. They are usually able to see many sides of a problem, which helps them identify viable solutions that are invisible to us. An expert who can persuade us that we might be wrong, and fully transform our point of view, is highly impactful and impressive. Through this skillful and powerful action they earn our trust, and we are highly likely to recommend their expertise to others.  

Now it’s your turn to learn this important skill. Let’s break it down:

First of all, persuading someone out of a strongly-held opinion is not a quick process. People often over-identify with their own opinions, to the point where they feel distinctly threatened when those opinions are challenged. I see this phenomenon all the time when I work with executives in corporate America, who often feel that they’re in direct competition with their peers and almost everyone around them. In this highly-charged atmosphere every work day feels like a battle for territory, leading people to cling to their opinions as a method of staking their claim on a patch of unstable ground. 

But even those who are merely skeptical need to be treated carefully. When it’s time to persuade someone to change their mind, it’s important to approach them lightly. The first step is to make sure that they feel seen and heard. Can you reflect back their opinion exactly as they see it? If not, ask them to clarify their point of view. Especially if you sense fear in their words, take another moment to reassure them that you understand where they’re coming from. Don’t skip this step! If you can show that you understand their point of view, you'll be more likely to persuade them to change it. 

Once they feel seen and heard they will start to relax a bit. Now is the time to express some kind of common ground. Maybe you had the same fear about the issue as they did, until you learned some new facts that recently came to light. Or maybe you can point out that their opinion actually supports theirs, and that there is a natural progression in effect. You might try using an analogy or metaphor that shows the issue from a different light. Storytelling is highly effective in the Language of Persuasion, because it gets the brain moving outside the usual lines of thought and inquiry. 

Whatever method you use, make sure to stay calm and respectful toward that person. Don’t gloat or act superior, or you’ll risk losing their trust forever. Remember, your objective is to build trust, and you can only do that by respecting their fundamental humanity, even if they are 100% wrong in every way. Go slowly, listen deeply, and make a compelling case. Converting a skeptic is one thing, but converting a naysayer is a high-level skill that every expert should know how to do. 

Reach out to me with questions, or more info about my Power Voice group trainings and private session packages, or click around my site.

The Language of Expertise: Part 2 (Copy)

In my previous post I introduced the Four Power Communication Skills that women can use to communicate their expertise, and harness it in service of advancing their careers. I want many more women to stand up and identify ourselves as experts, so that we can claim our rightful place at the top of every industry. To paraphrase RBG, women belong in all the rooms where experts are respected. It takes courage to reject sexist narratives about women in the workforce and gain the respect and influence that our expertise deserves. These Power Skills will help you advocate for your expertise in any situation. 

Last time I shared the first Power Skill, which is the Language of Opinion. Today I’m going to share number two, which is The Language of Persuasion.

Experts have influence because their expertise illuminates things that we can’t see on our own. When we engage with a subject matter expert, we may come with preconceived notions, or even strong opinions, about something in their domain. But the expert has a deep

well of skills, knowledge, experience and wisdom to draw from. They are usually able to see many sides of a problem, which helps them identify viable solutions that are invisible to us. An expert who can persuade us that we might be wrong, and fully transform our point of view, is highly impactful and impressive. Through this skillful and powerful action they earn our trust, and we are highly likely to recommend their expertise to others.  

Now it’s your turn to learn this important skill. Let’s break it down:

First of all, persuading someone out of a strongly-held opinion is not a quick process. People often over-identify with their own opinions, to the point where they feel distinctly threatened when those opinions are challenged. I see this phenomenon all the time when I work with executives in corporate America, who often feel that they’re in direct competition with their peers and almost everyone around them. In this highly-charged atmosphere every work day feels like a battle for territory, leading people to cling to their opinions as a method of staking their claim on a patch of unstable ground. 

But even those who are merely skeptical need to be treated carefully. When it’s time to persuade someone to change their mind, it’s important to approach them lightly. The first step is to make sure that they feel seen and heard. Can you reflect back their opinion exactly as they see it? If not, ask them to clarify their point of view. Especially if you sense fear in their words, take another moment to reassure them that you understand where they’re coming from. Don’t skip this step! If you can show that you understand their point of view, you'll be more likely to persuade them to change it. 

Once they feel seen and heard they will start to relax a bit. Now is the time to express some kind of common ground. Maybe you had the same fear about the issue as they did, until you learned some new facts that recently came to light. Or maybe you can point out that their opinion actually supports theirs, and that there is a natural progression in effect. You might try using an analogy or metaphor that shows the issue from a different light. Storytelling is highly effective in the Language of Persuasion, because it gets the brain moving outside the usual lines of thought and inquiry. 

Whatever method you use, make sure to stay calm and respectful toward that person. Don’t gloat or act superior, or you’ll risk losing their trust forever. Remember, your objective is to build trust, and you can only do that by respecting their fundamental humanity, even if they are 100% wrong in every way. Go slowly, listen deeply, and make a compelling case. Converting a skeptic is one thing, but converting a naysayer is a high-level skill that every expert should know how to do. 

Reach out to me with questions, or more info about my Power Voice group trainings and private session packages, or click around my site.

The Language of Expertise: Part 1

It might shock you to learn that many of my high-level, accomplished, experienced clients don’t identify as experts in their field. It certainly shocks me, and last year I did a deep-dive into this phenomenon: why is it so hard for women to identify as experts, and what’s stopping them from stepping up and owning their expertise? 

What I learned is that there are 3 main reasons, and you might recognize some (or all) of them:

1. Many women don’t want the friction that comes with publicly owning their expertise. They fear that they’ll be subject to intense scrutiny that will cause extra stress and second-guessing, which will interfere with the quality of their work.

2. Some women are concerned that declaring themselves as experts will change the way their peers see them, leading to toxic competition and a lack of psychological safety in the workplace.

3. Others fear that they don’t have enough of what it takes to be considered an expert, and are not able to visualize themselves in that role. 

I completely understand if you identify with any of these, and please know that you’re not alone. But I want to point out that one of the most powerful and harmful sexist narratives in our culture is that men are the top experts in every field. In fact, we have become so enculturated to the dominance of male experts, that in daily work meetings, group discussions, and project strategizing we often defer to men’s opinions automatically, even when there are actual women experts in the room!

I’ve taught my Power Voice methods in over 200 workplaces, and I’ve seen these effects with my own eyes. I know you have too, and in my next 4 posts I’m going to help you move beyond your fears and claim your expertise, so you can see and feel the fantastic effects on your career.

Let’s begin here:

There are Four Power Communication Skills that we expect from an expert in any field, any sector and any role. The first is the most important: we expect them to be able to express clear, confident opinions. If you watch an interview with Martha Stewart, you expect her to express firm opinions about the best new pie recipes, nonstick vs copper pots, and the current state of food journalism. If you watch one with Viola Davis, you expect her opinions about working with top directors, launching her own production company, and the state of the entertainment business for older women and women of color. If you watch Kara Swisher, you expect her opinions about the best and worst new media products, the latest Meta and X shenanigans, and which new media outlets are actually worth your time. 

When it comes to your own workplace activities, if you can’t express informed and confident opinions about the subject(s) at hand, you can’t gain trust with anyone (that includes stakeholders, Senior leadership and your own peers). Opinions make it clear that you have studied an issue from many angles, and arrived at a strong point of view. They allow others to quickly understand your message, and they become an important part of your personal brand. Many of my clients have spent years hanging back, refusing to speak up even though they have valuable opinions to offer. This leaves them feeling unseen, unheard and unappreciated. Don’t make this mistake!

The language of your opinions matters. You can take time before meetings and presentations to craft strong, confident words that get your point across. When I work with clients on this task, we use “The Three Cs”, which stands for Clear, Concise and Compelling. Make sure that you speak up when expressing your opinions, so that everyone in the room understands that you should be taken seriously. Don’t use qualifiers or minimizers when you speak, and don’t use uptalk at the end of your sentence (That’s when everything you say? Comes out sounding like a question? Because you go up in pitch at the end of every sentence?).

Next time I’ll outline the second of the Four Power Communication Skills. Please feel free with questions, and reach out to me if you’d like to book a Power Voice or Power Communication training for the women in your workplace. I love hearing from you!

Nine Power Career Habits for Women

In my job I get to meet and work with extraordinary women from around the world. Some are in high leadership positions, and some are striving to achieve that level. In any case, they work extremely hard, and I learn as much from them as they do from me. Because I work across multiple sectors and industries including tech, law, finance, construction, nonprofits, politics and startups, I get a bird's-eye view of the power habits that they consistently engage with on a daily basis. These are actions that boost both their career power and their personal stamina, so that they can fulfill their full potential without burning out. Here are their nine most common Power Habits:

1. Reserving time for exploring their curiosity: More than almost any other Power Habit, this one leads to the most everyday career satisfaction. Reserving 20% of your work week to investigate work-related ideas, trends, or interests that spark your curiosity engages your brain in new ways that can yield powerful results. Take 3 hours on a Friday morning to read what your industry’s leaders, thinkers, and doers are interested in, or follow your own hunch and dive deep into it. You could discover your next game-changing idea, or stumble on a solution to a complex problem, but at the very least you’ll feel fully engaged with something new.

2. Taking all their vacation days: Yes, really! It’s a simple but extremely effective way to reduce your chances of burning out. Removing yourself from your everyday context and enjoying new kinds of activities can be wonderfully restorative, but you don’t have to do anything but relax by a pool or stroll the streets of a new city. Taking ALL your vacation days gives your brain plenty of time to completely unplug from work and be in the present moment, so you can return refreshed and ready to rock. 

3. Planning post-project downtime: Not the same thing as a big vacation, but equally important. If you’ve been grinding away for weeks or months on a big project that has finally launched, it’s a good time to step back and breathe for awhile. Pushing yourself beyond your limits will only lead to shoddy work and endless burnout. Taking an extra day for your weekend at the end of an intense work period will help you reset and recharge. No apologies!

4. Engaging with professionals outside their industry: You may think it’s wise to keep your social focus narrow, but if you want to achieve maximum career impact it’s best to connect with people in other sectors. Their perspective on your industry, your company and/or your products can be invaluable. You’ll also get to learn what’s happening inside their own industries, and gain insight into how markets move and morph according to their industry trends. My clients who do this are able to make big jumps into other industries with relative ease.

5. Connecting, not networking: If you dread the thought of networking and have never gained any viable results, try reframing yourself as a connector of people and resources. Look around in your current networks and see who needs what. You might be able to provide a new job lead, a reference for a service professional, or a potent article or other resource that helps someone advance their understanding of a complex problem. Think of these as deposits in the bank of your professional network. Once you become known as a powerful connector you can start making withdrawals in the form of introductions to people who can help you advance your own career. Some of my clients actually track their connecting activity in a dedicated spreadsheet, so that they can keep track of how the flow of energy is moving.

6. Daily decompressing: You already know this one, right? Meditation, exercise, neighborhood walks without anything in your ears, or diving into a good work of fiction are simple actions that can yield powerful results, but only if you do them daily. Many of my clients have an end-of-work ritual, something that signifies that they’re done for the day, like taking a 15-minute walk, listening (or dancing!) to a favorite song, or changing into lounge clothes. Small, daily habits can help you decompress and let go of tension that accumulates throughout the day.

7. Planning for stress: My high-level clients do this action before it’s needed, so they can anticipate their needs in an emergency, and have everything ready to go. Assemble all your (and your family’s) healthcare providers, prescription information, support services (like babysitters, grocery delivery, house cleaners, etc), and other relevant info on a giant spreadsheet that you share with family and trusted friends. In case of a genuine emergency, the kind that requires a sudden and unknown amount of time off, your info is easily accessible to those who can help. Don’t forget to add your favorite stress remedies (things like the number of a good takeout place, your favorite kind of chocolate or special treat, or even your favorite book) so that you have plenty of resources to help you get through. 

8. Forensic project analyzing: Some companies have this action baked into their culture, but some don’t do a very thorough job, and some don’t do it at all. The benefits of tracking what went right and/or wrong about a big project are many, but analyzing mistakes is an especially valuable learning tool that you don’t want to miss. Some of my clients form small “forensic teams” with co-workers that create simple reports about each major launch from the perspective of their larger team or group. This data can be harnessed to your advantage during performance reviews and job interviews, but it can also give you powerful insight into ways that your company could improve your department’s overall performance, and maybe even that of the whole company. 

9. Tracking wins, big and small: You can turn this into yet another spreadsheet, or you can open a simple doc and list each of your personal work wins as they come up (along with the date and other relevant info.) Most of these will likely be your contributions to work projects and/or events, but some of them could be small, personal things that no one else can see but you. For example, if you are someone who is terrified of conflict, but you managed to successfully resolve an ongoing work conflict with a colleague, add it to the list. Refer to the list when you’re preparing for performance reviews, but also glance at it when you’re in a moment of low confidence. Seeing all your wins grouped together can give you a boost, and remind you that this, too shall pass. My clients who do this action always seem to have greater career satisfaction than those who don’t. I’ve actually started doing it myself!

I hope you find this helpful. Please reach out to me for more info about my Power Voice for Career Women group trainings and private session packages. Love to hear your comments and answer your questions below!

Four Career-Boosting Words

As I mentioned in my previous post, the language we use to describe our career, and the stories we tell ourselves about it, can greatly shape our trajectory. Whenever I’m giving a Power Voice training to a group of women, I listen carefully to their words and reflect them back, so that each woman can hear herself clearly. What I often discover is that there are 4 magic words that are missing from the language they use to describe how they want to advance in their careers. 

This type of language occurs in performance reviews and job interviews, but it can also be present during daily one-on-one dialogue with managers and/or Senior leadership. In a nutshell, anytime you’re expressing what you want to accomplish in your current role, and especially what you’d like to do in your career trajectory, you need to use the 4 Magic Words:

“So that I can….”

Here’s how you can put the 4 Magic Words to work in a performance review. After you and your manager are done discussing your recent job performance, you can then introduce the subject of what you want to do going forward, both in your current role and in your overall career. That’s when the 4 Magic Words come into play. First I’ll show you how your communication looks and sounds without them: 

“Next quarter I want to shift my focus away from compiling weekly product reports, and toward seeking out new trends for our products.

This is a clear, concise sentence. But it doesn’t give enough context for your request, or create excitement around the action you propose to take. Generating emotions like excitement and interest are crucial for stakeholder buy-in, and without the 4 Magic Words you won’t get much impact. Here’s how they can help:

“Next quarter I want to shift my focus away from compiling weekly product reports, and toward seeking out new trends for our products, so that I can identify new markets and help drive greater growth.”

See the difference? Now you’ve painted a clear and compelling picture of what you want to accomplish, and what kind of result you want to get. This sentence also shows that you have long-term vision, and that you’re thinking about the overall health of the company, not just your place inside it. Demonstrating this type of initiative and vision can help you stand out and stay competitive in a crowded company landscape. 

When you’re in a job interview (which is actually a co-interview between you and your potential new employer), it’s especially important to paint a vivid picture of what you hope to accomplish in the new role, so that they can understand how you see yourself and your own career potential. Setting expectations up front can also help you achieve greater success in your new role. Here’s an example of before and after the 4 Magic Words in this context:

“In this role I would concentrate on building an experienced team.”

“In this role I would concentrate on building an experienced team, so that I take our product development to a global level, and generate at least 30% more revenue worldwide.”

That’s a big improvement in context which includes a self-appointed metric (make sure you can back this up with examples of your previous successes), and a vivid picture of how your action would benefit the overall company in the long term. Positioning yourself as the leader of this action signals that you have confidence in your ability to get the job done (again, back it up with past success!).

Those in leadership positions can also benefit from using a variation on the 4 Magic Words. Many high-level leaders I work with are very consumed with high-level language, which often involves long acronyms, strange metaphors, and complex data analysis that is boring at best, and incomprehensible at worst. If your language is too obtuse you might be perceived as gatekeeping valuable information about goals and objectives. In order to gain the trust of everyone in your company’s ecosystem, you need to be able to articulate your vision in a compelling way that engages everyone, not just the other high-level leaders in your circle. Also, as a leader you set the tone for your company’s overall work culture. Hiding your own enthusiasm and passion for the company’s goals could lead to a dry, unfulfilling, and unengaged work environment where employees don’t feel connected to a larger sense of purpose. So instead of something like this:

“Our primary focus in the next 18 months should be boosting our DNRS backlog while incorporating T-48 and R-49 components.”

You can use this variation on the 4 Magic Words to clarify the purpose of your proposed action, and drive excitement for what it will accomplish:

“Our primary focus in the next 18 months should be boosting our DNRS backlog while incorporating T-48 and R-49 components, so that we can create new markets and work toward our goal of achieving a 12% market share.”

I advise my clients to use clear, concise and compelling language in all their professional communication. Most people can learn to be clear and concise, but being compelling takes a lot more effort. Adding the 4 Magic Words will help you get there. Contact me for info about all my Power Voice group trainings and private session packages. I love hearing from you!

Change Your Language, Change Your Career

Whenever a new client comes for their first session, I always ask a few simple intake questions about their career history, so I can better understand the context that they come from. Often they will tell me a story that sounds something like this: 

“My college had an internship program that sent me to work part-time at a company, and when I graduated they offered me a full-time role. I was in that role for a few years, and then a woman above me went on maternity leave and I took over for her. When that was done another team had an opening, so did some work for them, until one of their managers quit and I filled in for a bit. Later that year a headhunter found me on LinkedIn and asked me to interview for a few jobs, and I got one of those roles at a bigger company where I stayed for a few years. Then an old college friend told me she was leaving her position at ______ and asked if I would want to interview, so I did. I got that job and I’ve been in my current role at _____ for ten years.”

Now, at first glance this may seem fine. But look again: do you see the problem? What’s missing is a strong sense of personal agency. This version of the story sounds like something that happened to her, rather than something that she herself engineered, with full intention and engagement.

Whenever a client tells me this kind of story, I know we have some serious Power Voice work to do. Inevitably she will have difficulty expressing her opinions and points in a confident, authoritative way. She probably won’t speak up very much during meetings, and will usually shun work presentations, fearing that she won’t be able to handle the pressure. She might even fail to speak up strongly for her work in performance reviews. Yet she will also experience an enormous amount of frustration, feeling unseen, unheard and unappreciated by her peers and those who can advance her career. 

It’s no surprise that many career women are struggling in this way. Male-dominated sectors like tech, law, finance, science, and politics can feel terribly intimidating. But even workplaces that have achieved gender equity can feel inhospitable to women’s skills, knowledge, and expertise if the women employed there don’t feel confident and connected to each other. Solidarity is strength, and shared experience is powerful. My “Power Voice for Career Women” trainings function as team-building exercises for groups of women, as they learn new communication skills together, and share their experiences. 

One of the things we talk about in my “Power Voice” trainings is the concept of personal agency, and how that can be applied to your career story. Claiming full agency over your career choices is a powerful way to shift your mindset and boost your self-confidence, so you can start speaking up for all your hard work and get noticed by those who can advance your career. Agency starts with re-framing the language of your personal story to reflect each moment when you made a distinct choice. For example, here is the previous story re-framed with agency:

“In college I chose an internship program that came with a part-time role at Company X, and when I graduated I accepted a full-time role with them. One of my managers went on maternity leave and I stepped up to take over for her. During that time another team noticed my work, and I jumped over to them when the leave was done. I liked the people on that team, but I was seeking a bigger challenge, so I interviewed for a bigger role at Company Y, and accepted their offer. I worked on big projects with them for a few years that drove revenue by over 30%. Then an old friend from college, who was leaving her role at Company Z, suggested I apply for her position. I got that role and have been working my way through Company Z for the past ten years. What I’d like to do next is….”

See the difference? This version has more action verbs, more details, and an overall sense of agency that highlights her choices. If you can reframe your own story this way, you'll automatically start to feel more powerful, and act with greater confidence, especially as you look ahead at the next part of your career.

To be clear, there might have been moments on your career path that didn’t feel entirely within your control. Companies downsize, layoffs occur, and people get transferred or demoted. You might have had a period of personal illness that took you out of the workforce, or maybe your maternity leave didn’t go as planned, and you needed much more time to recover from giving birth. (NOTE: It’s important to acknowledge that some systems actively work to oppress women's contributions, and their very existence inside those systems. If you are stuck in that situation, get out as fast as you can!). If you feel that harm that may have been done to your career (and your confidence!), please take time to grieve and heal if you need to.

Once you’re ready, applying the language of personal agency to those moments when you might have felt helpless can help you get some power back. You can take that power forward on your path, whenever you tell your story to yourself and others. Changing your story can change your career, as you start to project a sense of radiant confidence and personal power that helps others see you in new ways that can lead to new opportunities.

Please contact me for more information about my "Power Voice for Career Women" group trainings and private session packages. Leave your questions in the comments, I love hearing from you!

How Women Can Lead With Their Expertise

My clients come from all different sectors including tech, law, finance, construction, education, and politics. Learning about the challenges they face on their career path, and helping them to overcome them, keeps me inspired and hopeful about the future of women in the workplace. But there are some things that are hard to handle, and one of them is downright heartbreaking. It’s the way that women struggle with showing up in the workplace as experts in their field

There are many factors that contribute to how we navigate the professional systems around us. Women are generally not socially conditioned to put our expertise front-and-center. Even if we want to, the gender imbalance of experts in our culture can make it hard to locate inspiring examples of women who are at the top of their game. Sexist work environments can make women feel too vulnerable to risk drawing attention to our skills, knowledge, and expertise. Man of my clients have spent most of their career keeping their heads down and working around the clock, without any boundaries around their mental or physical health, hoping that their hard work will “speak for itself”. 

I hope you already know that is NOT a viable career strategy! You have to draw the right kind of attention to your work, and stand by it, at every stage of your career. Especially if you’re on a management/leadership track, or have already achieved a high-level role, it is crucial that you can represent your work, and yourself, in a way that builds trust and confidence with those around you. 

Here are 4 tips for leading with your expertise:

1. Recognize the expectations of a higher-level role: once you achieve this kind of position you are expected to show up as an expert, with full confidence and faith in your own abilities. Get used to pushing your ideas and opinions into the center of the dialogue, and be prepared to defend them robustly. Even if your hypothesis turns out to be wrong, an expert always has the courage of their convictions. You can always pivot quickly with new information, and incorporate it into your project going forward. 

2. Show your work in an impactful way: don’t make the mistake of “never letting them see you sweat!” Women’s hard work is too often overlooked or dismissed. When you make a project presentation, include one slide that briefly outlines your research path, and a small overview of the journey to your conclusions. Be careful not to reveal unique resources that give you a competitive advantage, but you can include the insights you gained from them. This is a crucial piece that I create with my clients who need help on their work presentations.

3. Present your game-changing ideas regularly: Experts are defined by their expertise. Often the best game-changers come from questioning iron-clad assumptions, and taking a different approach to them. What do you see, hear, and feel is coming next in your industry? Use your skills and abilities to do some trend-spotting, and make some projections for how your company could stay ahead of the curve. Present your ideas in a strong, compelling pitch deck, and be prepared to answer intense questions.

4. Remember that “less is more” in professional communication: Over-explaining and over-correcting can have the effect of weakening your points and arguments. Stay calm and lead with simple facts that back up your argument. Treat your words as if they carry weight, because they do. 

I advise my clients to get comfortable with pushback on their expertise. Friction is a sign of influence, as others work through your challenges to their assumptions, and come to appreciate your unique perspective on the task(s) at hand. Resist the urge to take care of anyone’s feelings! Trust that they are adults who can handle their own emotions. Professional conduct is standing strong in your own integrity, and allowing others to do the same. 

Please contact me with questions, or if you’d like to book a group “Power Voice for Career Women” training for the women in your workplace.

Three Ways to *Genuinely* Empower Older Women Workers

Recently a large-scale study on the effects of ageism on working women was published in the Harvard Business Review. The authors demonstrated that a woman will face ageism at literally every single age that she is employed in the workforce. This is not an abstract concept. It is a wide-spread systemic issue that translates to lived experience for millions of working women (I’m 100% certain that you’ve already had your own experience with this issue!). 

In my career I’ve observed women in all kinds of environments, including tech, law, finance, construction, nonprofits, education and startups. I’ve taught my Power Voice methods in over 200 workplaces, and I’ve gotten a closeup look at the way that many companies attempt to apply gender-equity policies in real time. Because of my extensive experience, occasionally companies will ask me to consult on the effectiveness of their policies, so they can make improvements that will have a lasting impact. 

What I always point out to them is that especially for women who are approaching or existing in middle-age, the combined forces of sexism and ageism can feel especially heavy. Companies need to keep in mind that this pressure awaits all women, and the sooner they address it with corrective policies, the better. Here, for the first time, I am publishing the most common suggestions that I offer when I consult. Please note that these are general concepts, and that some employers require a much more complex treatment of their gender equity policies.  

Here are ways to support and empower older female workers:

1. Actively seek their advice on major decision making. The older women in your organization are a huge untapped resource of skills, knowledge and true wisdom, and the sooner you leverage it, the better. Remember that women will often keep to themselves as a kind of, "go along to get along" workplace strategy, and this might prevent them from actively volunteering their thoughts. Request their input during meetings, and/or reach out to them offline. Make time in your schedule to hear their input, and give them credit when you use their ideas. 

2. Create a robust Women’s ERG group, and save it as a line item in your ongoing yearly budget. Don’t skimp on it! It’s an investment in the long-term health and wellness of all the women in your company. Think of it as a combination of ongoing education and community support. Send out surveys to the group to gauge their interests, and allot enough cash in the budget to hire quality coaches, educators and speakers who can provide corresponding trainings and activities. This is often how I am hired to come and give Power Voice trainings to groups of women. I can tell that a company is investing in women when I see a broad mix of ages in their Women’s Group. 

3. Give older, experienced women the flexibility to spend 20% of their work time on projects that spark their curiosity. When all of that knowledge and wisdom is aimed in the right direction, it can yield powerful results. This is something that at least 75% of my older women clients long for. Set them free to learn, grow, and innovate.

I love to speak with employers about ways they can improve workplace conditions for older women. Email me for more info, or if you’d like to book a Power Voice for Career Women group training for the women in your company.

The Trap Of the Blind Mentor

My client Erica*, a 30ish woman with cropped blond hair and a sweet southern drawl, has been working since she was a teenager. In high school she did an internship program at a software company in Houston, doing simple data entry. After a few months of this mind-numbing work, she asked for a meeting with the company’s VP of sales, to see if he would be her mentor and help her find a new direction. Under his mentorship she transferred to the sales department, and thrived there for four years, eventually accepting her first full-time position. 

You can see how much spirit and fire Erica has from this simple story of her 16-year-old self. She skipped college and went straight to work in various companies, becoming a sales expert who could be counted on to raise revenue everywhere she went. Eventually she moved to LA, where she is employed in the sales department of a movie studio, leading sales of video games derived from the studio’s movie characters. 

When Erica came to see me she was tired of feeling stalled in her career, but uncertain of what the problem was. Her work was regularly praised, and she’d recently project managed a big upgrade in her team’s software, which had led to a 20% increase in sales. She wanted to rise up the company ladder and become a Senior sales project manager. There were already some women in those positions, so she knew it was possible. But despite her hard work and best efforts at networking, nothing was panning out. 

Erica was willing to try anything. I asked her if she’d ever worked on speech and presentation skills before, and a lightbulb switched on above her head. She told me that her mentor had always considered them to be “soft skills” not worth investing in. This sparked my own lightbulb moment. I asked her about her mentor’s career background. She said that he graduated from an Ivy league college where he was very active in his fraternity, and was proud of how those connections had led to his first few jobs. Eventually a former frat buddy, the VP of a Texas tech company, hired him as his replacement, where he remained until retirement.

No wonder her mentor didn’t think public speaking was important! This man’s privileged connections had been driving his whole career. He hadn’t had to worry much about speaking up for himself, because he’d always been bolstered by the recommendations of his friends (it’s also important to keep in mind that white men are, by default, seen as more competent than everyone else, leading to even greater advantages). Erica hadn’t been to college, or joined an elite club. She’d relied on her own steam to get her where she was, inside a global company. All she needed now was a way to stand out from the crowd.

Erica and I made a 3-step plan. First we worked on her Power Voice, to make sure that she had the skills to speak confidently in any situation. We also created some Power Communication strategies, so she could demonstrate a high degree of both competence and warmth in all of her professional communication. Then we examined the schedule for her company’s conference, and Erica applied to speak at one of the events. She was accepted, and we prepared a PowerPoint that outlined the details of the project she’d so successfully managed, so that other teams in the company could adopt the same practices. 

That was last Spring, and since then Erica has been invited to present to many other teams. She just completed her annual performance review, which included not just a promotion but a substantial raise. When I asked her how it felt to take a big leap forward, she said, Better than I ever imagined!

*name and some details changed for privacy
On September 13th I'm going to help 12 women take their own leap forward. Want to be one of them? Grab your ticket HERE.

The Peanut Butter Mistake

A good dentist is, in my experience, hard to find. A few years ago I had a great one in downtown Seattle, a woman in her 50s whose entire office was run by women, a dental service Matriarchy. Patients loved coming there, and they would often show up early to sit in the waiting room and bask in the office’s warm vibes. 

During one of my visits, as I sat with the other patients waiting for our turn, I started chatting with a woman in her 70s who was knitting a gorgeous purple scarf. Her eyes never once left her stitches as we talked, and I could tell that she was quite nervous. During our conversation she mentioned that she’d had to keep the scarf away from her 5-year-old grandson, who was currently visiting her at her home. They had spent the afternoon making peanut butter with a high-speed blender, using fresh, unshelled peanuts that she’d bought at the farmer’s market. They’d had to shell the nuts before throwing them into the contraption. They snacked on the peanuts as they worked, and the woman had used her teeth to open the peanut shells, causing a crack in one of her crowns.

Instead of just a simple tooth cleaning she would have to have some repair work done on the tooth with the broken crown. She told me her toothache was terrible, but she didn’t like “being under” the anesthetic that the dentist used, so she was dreading the process. 

Just then I was called into the back rooms for my cleaning. Once I was situated in the chair the hygienist did the job, then told me to wait for the dentist to come and review the state of my mouth.

In the room next door I could hear the dentist talking with the knitting woman. The knitter was explaining her situation, retelling the story of the unfortunate peanut incident:

“I was eating peanuts with my grandson and I cracked my teeth on them.” 

The dentist replied, “Well if your teeth are suddenly cracking on a peanut, we might have a lot of work in front of us.”

The woman attempted to explain again: “I don’t usually eat peanuts but they were fresh and I was hungry.”

The dentist replied, “In any case, raw peanuts are soft and shouldn’t cause any problems to your teeth. We’d better get to work!” 

The woman sighed in resignation as the dentist fired up the anesthetic machine. 

Do you see the problem?

There was a crucial detail missing from this conversation, one that directly impacted the way that the dentist viewed the woman’s situation. Each of them had an image of the peanut in question, but the images didn’t match. The dentist was working with imprecise information, which could have been easily corrected if she had bothered to ask her patient for more specifics. The woman could have also bridged the communication gap by mentioning that she’d cracked her crown on the hard peanut shell, not the soft nut. 

I remind all my clients never to assume that someone can read your mind about important details in any part of your professional communication. It’s part of your job to speak, email, text and Slack with clarity and precision. You can even say or write, “For the sake of clarity, I want to point out that…”. Make it easy for the person you’re communicating with to understand your meaning. You’ll become known as a trouble-shooter who cares about details and is valuable on any team, project or decision. 

On the other hand, it’s also important for you to ask precise questions of others, so that you can have all the relevant information to work with. When you’re having a conversation with someone about an important issue, let them talk for a while about it, then ask them, “Are there any other details that stand out to you, or that you feel could be relevant to the issue?”. You’ll be surprised what people will offer if given the chance! Knowing these extras can help you gain a significant advantage as you go forward in your process. EMAIL ME for questions about all my Power Voice for Career Women private packages and group workplace trainings.

I'm Featured in "Scary Mommy" Magazine

This morning my friend Alisa Kennedy Jones (acclaimed author of bestseller, “Gotham Girl Interrupted: My Misadventures in Motherhood, Love and Epilepsy”) included my coaching work in an article she wrote about midlife women. It’s funny, honest, and instructive, and you can read it HERE.

Jenny's Taco Bell Breakthrough

My client Jenny*, a woman in her 30s with slate-gray eyes and a warm smile, had a flawless professional resume. She grew up in a multi-cultural household and spoke 3 languages. She’d studied International Communications in college, and then had gotten a law degree so she would be “valuable to any employer”, as she told me during our first session. 

For the past 4 years Jenny had been employed at one of the biggest international business consulting firms in the world. She liked her coworkers, and her manager gave her a ton of autonomy, which are two factors that can greatly contribute to overall job satisfaction. But Jenny was unhappy. She had been stuck at the same level for 3 of her 4 years at the company, with no significant promotions. She was frustrated and confused, and uncertain if she should quit her job or stay and try to make progress up the company’s ladder.

I asked Jenny to share her most recent performance review with me. According to Jenny, during the meeting with her manager, he had barely glanced at her metrics. He just gave her a “thumbs up” without any further instruction about how she could improve or grow in her role. She left his office feeling even more frustrated. 

I was stumped by the discrepancy between the good feedback about Jenny’s work and her stalled progress at the company, but I asked her not to give up. I knew we would find the missing piece of the puzzle.

Our next session (by Zoom) took place during Jenny’s lunch hour. She appeared onscreen with a huge bag from Taco Bell. When I asked her about it she told me she didn’t actually like the food, but her coworker had offered to buy her lunch, and since he was treating her, she didn’t feel like she could ask for what she really wanted. 

That’s when it happened: Jenny’s face completely changed. She looked stunned, like she’d just walked right into a wall. 

I asked her what was happening, and she told me this: “I think maybe I haven’t been asking for the things I want at work!” I asked her if she’d ever told her boss that she wanted to be considered for a higher position. “I never have,” she said, “I thought my work would speak for itself!” 

You’d be surprised how much I hear women say this. Allowing your work to “speak for itself” is NOT a good career strategy, especially for women who are employed in highly male-dominated industries and companies. Speaking up for yourself and advocating for what you want next on your career path is crucial. Think of it like this: right now there are people in your work environment who would love to help you climb up to the next level. But like you, they’re extremely busy and consumed with their own tasks and projects. They might not see what’s right in front of them, namely your hard work and career potential, unless you draw their attention to it!

Jenny and I decided to craft a short Power Pitch that she could use with her boss to let him know she wanted to move up. We gathered stats from her performance review and threw in more recent data, including a ton of client testimonials that rated Jenny’s work as “Excellent”. Jenny booked a sit-down meeting with her boss, and made her case. He didn’t say much during her presentation. He seemed to be thinking about something. The next day he gave Jenny one of his biggest clients to work with on her own. She was deeply engaged with the work for 4 months and received high praise from the client. When the job was done she went to her boss and told him it was now or never: she wanted a promotion, or she would leave the company. 

I’m sure you can guess what happened next. Jenny was promoted to the next level in the company, and 6 months later she was promoted again. I checked in with her recently to see how she’s doing, and she told me that the best part of her job is mentoring the younger women coming up behind her. She has a soft touch, but gives them one piece of stern advice: “Speak up for your damn work!”. She also organizes monthly lunches for them, and always asks what they want to eat (spoiler alert: it’s never Taco Bell!).

*name and some details changed for privacy

Email me for more info about my Power Voice for Career Women private session packages and group trainings. Click around the site for more.

Shauna's Toxic Boss Breakthrough

My client Shauna*, a shy woman in her early 30s, came to her first Power Voice session with something on her mind. Shauna is employed at a biotech company that has grown exponentially during the past few years, and although the industry itself is heavily male-dominated, this company has a program that gets women on a leadership track, which creates a fair amount of women at the top. 

Yet Shauna wasn't happy with her work environment. She had finally realized that her boss, a woman in her 50s and the VP of their company, was toxic. There was no doubt in Shauna's mind: her boss was mean, heartless and demanding. 

Shauna was so sure of this problem that she was about to give her two-weeks notice. She wanted to spend our sessions working on job interview skills, which she felt would help her shine in her search for a new employer. Now, I love coaching these types of skills. I have a great track record of helping clients achieve their career milestones. It’s exciting to watch women strategize about their dream job, and help them marshall their Power Voice so they can advocate for themselves and make maximum impact in job interviews. 

But something in Shauna’s story didn’t feel right, and I asked her to elaborate on her description of her boss’ faults. 

What she told me was this:

When Shauna was in a group meeting with her boss, she felt unfairly “singled out”. But when I asked what her boss would do, Shauna said she would make her repeat the ideas she had brought to their one-on-one meetings. 

Whenever Shauna was feeling under the weather and had to stay home from the office, her mean boss would micro-manage her with too many emails and calls. But when I asked what they discussed, Shauna said her boss kept her updated on the progress of various projects that Shauna oversaw.

Lastly, Shauna felt that her boss didn’t really care about her, and wouldn't make time to discuss Shauna's progress through the company or recommend her for the leadership track program. But when I asked her if she'd requested a recommendation, she said she hadn't thought to do it.

That's when Shauna had a breakthrough about how she could use her Power Voice at her current role. I'll share her insights with you here:

1. Instead of feeling resentful that she had to perform “in the spotlight” during group meetings, she could learn some Power Performance skills to calm her nerves and keep her steady under pressure.

2. Instead of feeling irritated that her boss bothered her too much when she was working from home, she could tell her boss what she needed her boss to be updated on.

3. Instead of feeling aggrieved that her boss didn’t care about her career progress, she could ask directly for a recommendation, and step up her all her Power Voice skills so she could make maximum impact in that kind of role.

Toxic bosses exist! If you have one, you should get out ASAP. But sometimes, if your skills and confidence are limited, it can limit your perspective. You might not see the situation clearly, or recognize an opportunity that's right in front of you. 

For help with job interviews, work presentations, performance reviews and confidence coaching, email me directly for rates and availability. I love hearing from you!

*name and some details changed for privacy

Martelle's (Father's) Breakthrough

Clients find me in all kinds of ways. Usually it’s through other clients, who are kind enough to refer their networks to me. The majority of these people are, as I’m sure you can already guess, women. But every once in a while I get an approach from a man who has seen me give a talk about my work strengthening women’s voices, and wants me to help a woman that they know. Would it surprise you to learn that the majority of these men are seeking help for their own daughters?

Last month I was contacted by a father I’ll call Eddie. His daughter, a 24-year-old woman I’ll call Martelle, was finishing her first year of work at a big financial company. Her annual performance review was coming up, which came with an opportunity for her to present a report about everything she’d accomplished that year, and ask for a raise. 

Eddie wanted me to “fix” his daughter’s voice. He thought she sounded “like a little girl” and needed to “start making a bigger impact when she spoke up at work”. I told Eddie to ASK his daughter if she wanted some Power Voice coaching, and if she did I would help her prepare for her upcoming performance review. 

Martelle was excited to level-up her professional communication skills, and we got started on her presentation. Her progress in the company was impressive. When Martelle had arrived at the company a year ago, they were still reeling from a giant mess they’d made the previous year. They had accidentally sent out the first draft of an email to clients that promised all kinds of things the company wasn’t yet prepared to deliver, causing mass confusion and chaos both internally and externally (I’d actually heard about The Big Mess from another of my clients who worked at the same firm, and it was just as terrible as you can imagine!). The company was still dealing with the fallout, and as a result many of its everyday tasks and processes were being neglected.

Martelle took one look at the Big Mess and got right to work. She sorted out which tasks were still undone, and created a dedicated project to complete them, enlisting a few of her colleagues for help. She gave regular updates to her boss and the company’s Senior management, and answered all their questions about what to expect with the project. She led her 5-person team through the whole thing, and by the end they had completed almost 80% of the outstanding tasks. During the course of the year Martelle had also come up with a new system for managing internal projects that had been widely adopted by her co-workers, and even her own manager. 

Martelle and I crafted a great slide deck that showed each step of her progress, and made a great case for a salary increase. She sent the deck to her father so he could give her encouragement and wish her luck. Once the performance review was all over and Martelle had gotten the raise she hoped for, Eddie called to thank me for helping out. During our conversation he revealed that he’d had a personal breakthrough about his daughter, and about women everywhere, and here’s what he told me:

1. That his personal bias against his daughter’s way of speaking had kept him from recognizing her extraordinary accomplishments. (BTW: Each of us has our own developmental process that changes both our communication pattern and the sound of our voice, sometimes quite dramatically. Every generation has its own unique style of communicating, and we also have our own individual quirks. The things we say and the way we say them evolve over time. The way you speak now could be unrecognizable to your future self, and that’s perfectly natural!)

2. That he might have carried this same bias into all of his conversations with the women in his own workplace for decades. 

3. That from now on he would check himself and resolve to listen better to the women around him.

Breakthroughs can happen to us at any time. Eddie’s is a good reminder that we continue to learn, grow, change and evolve. When men support and amplify women’s voices it increases the chances that we will thrive (and that support is needed now more than ever!). 

For help with work presentations, email me directly for rates and availability. I love hearing from you!

Marcie's Tax Day Breakthrough

©2023 Alicia Dara

A few years back my client Marcie*, an elegant blonde with vivid green eyes, was in the middle of our Power Voice session when she got an emergency phone call from her business partner. They had launched their beauty startup the year before, and their first two products had sold far more than they’d anticipated, causing them to scramble in order to meet the demand. They’d had to quickly onboard new staff to handle all the orders, new manufacturers to produce the products, and new distributors to get the products into stores. All of this created a much bigger, more complex production system that required a lot of attention. 

When it came time to do their taxes, Marcie had worked through them herself using a software program. The phone call that came in during our session was to inform Marcie that the return had been rejected by the IRS! Although she had given it her all, something in her math did not compute. The deadline to refile was only two weeks away, which meant she had very little time to research the problem, re-compute the numbers, and fix the return.

Startup founders, at least in the first few years of business, often have to do every aspect of their business themselves. They do this for two reasons: the first is simply to keep costs down. But sometimes they also choose the DIY route so they can learn every aspect of the business from the ground-up, which helps them feel more in control. While this may be a good strategy in the beginning, the bigger your company grows the harder it is to keep track of everything. 

But Marcie was determined to triumph over her taxes. She’d always been a high-performing hard worker, who bootstrapped her company and made it successful on her own terms. She wanted to solve this problem and get it right. Not only did she stay up for 36 hours to complete and file the new return, she also set out to learn the entire small-business tax code so that she would know how to handle her tax filings going forward. Something powerful was driving her, and she just couldn’t stop!

After spending almost two whole days at her desk, cramping her hands on her computer keyboard and straining her eyes until they burned like fire, Marcie had a breakthrough. She realized that underneath her ferocious drive was fear: fear of simply asking for help! She thought that if she asked for help from a tax professional it would mean that she was somehow loosing her ability to keep track of her own business. She was also afraid of being judged as incompetent by her big new staff, whose respect she needed in order to scale her business and keep it running. 

At our next Power Voice session Marcie and I talked about her dilemma together. She said she was afraid that if she asked for help, it would be a sign that she was weak.  So I reminded her that asking for help is actually a sign of strength, for three important reasons:

1. It means that you recognize you can grow beyond your fears and insecurities, which would otherwise keep you thinking and acting small

2. It means that you are taking steps to ensure success by engaging experts who are trained to help you get there

3. It means that you prioritize your health and the health of your business in the long-term, instead of just focusing on triage and stopgaps that can drain your time and energy and leave you no further along than when you started

That same afternoon Marcie booked an appointment with an accountant who specialized in small businesses that were growing fast. The accountant, a woman with twenty years experience (and a small business owner herself!) filled out Marcie’s return and filed it before the due date, and it was accepted by the IRS. She also gave Marcie a ton of strategies to maximize her business deductions and stay ahead of upcoming changes in the tax laws that would directly impact her business. 

You don’t have to do everything alone on the path of your career! Working with skilled professionals can greatly relieve the burden and help you take big leaps forward. You’ll feel supported, encouraged, and strong, and the results will speak for themselves. If you’re ready to get help with finding your Power Voice, contact me directly for my rates and availability. I love hearing from you!

Sellie's "Good Boss" Breakthrough

©2023 Alicia Dara

Last summer my client Sellie*, a woman in her late 30s with green eyes and soft curly bangs, asked for a Zoom consultation to discuss an issue she was having with her boss, a woman in her 40s. Usually when a client asks for this kind of consultation the issue is about something related to their boss’ overly-zealous management style, and how it makes the client’s work life challenging. I thought Sellie might ask me for guidance about how to better communicate her needs and boundaries, so that her boss would back off and let her shine. 

I’ve worked with Sellie for a few years and I know her strengths very well. She is a rising star at the tech company where she works. Among other things, she has a talent for trouble-shooting systems and optimizing them in a way that astonished Senior leadership, and led to some good assignments. Yet whenever she was asked to give presentations about her work she became so nervous that she would pass the task off to a peer, making it seem like she couldn’t handle the spotlight and wouldn’t be a good candidate for higher leadership in the company. Along with strengthening her Power Voice so she could advocate for herself and shine in all her meetings and performance reviews, we also worked on Power Presentation skills so she could stay confident and give strong presentations. 

Sellie was doing great and had recently been promoted to her current position, the one that came with what I assumed was a difficult boss. But when Sellie told me the real issue, I was shocked! It turns out her boss greatly respected her, gave her plenty of autonomy to do her job, and even helped bring attention to her excellent work. Sellie loved working under this woman, and as they had become closer she learned something about her boss’ career that troubled her so much she wanted to get some guidance about how to proceed. 

Apparently her boss had recently been passed over for a big promotion that she’d been working toward for years. The person who had been given the position was a man in his early 30s, someone new to the company without any of the extensive experience that her boss had acquired over 20 years in the field. Her boss had also shared that for the past few years as she moved into her 40s, her opinions and ideas seemed to have less and less effect on everyone in her life, including the various communities that she was part of and the organizations that she volunteered for. Her boss said this same phenomenon had been happening to all her friends, women who were also in their 40s. 

Sellie’s concern for her boss was also her own worry. She knew that she wanted to have a long career and maybe even take over her boss’ role one day. But as she was approaching 40 she was afraid of experiencing the same situation, and wanted my advice about how to help her boss, and herself, handle the issue. 

There is a word for what Sellie’s boss experienced. Actually, it’s two words: ageism and sexism. If you are a woman over 40 then you might already be experiencing this discrimination in your work and your life. If you are a woman of color then racism is likely also part of your everyday experience. The combination of these factors can make older women feel overlooked at best. Some older women feel completely dismissed by everyone, even trusted colleagues that they’ve worked with for years, and others that they’ve known and worked with in their lives. All of this during the time when they’re coming into the peak of their skills, knowledge, wisdom and experience. When you think about it, it’s completely ridiculous!  

But it’s a reality for a lot of older women, including Sellie’s boss, who was feeling so demoralized by her experience with sexism and ageism that she was thinking of leaving the workforce altogether. I asked Sellie if her boss would be open to a quick chat, which she was. During our conversation I reassured the boss that she wasn’t alone, that many women I’ve worked with and known have had found themselves in the same situation. I started to give her a few specific tips to help her strengthen her communication and take back some control, but she interrupted me to ask if she could bring 3 of her friends into the call. I worked with them for an hour, and they asked for more. So I created a dedicated 3-hour training and ended up giving it to 24 women in their company, including Sellie, the head of HR, and 3 Global Vice Presidents.

In the 6-months since then Sellie’s boss left the company and founded a healthcare start-up, taking Sellie with her as COO. The head of HR, a woman in her 50s, recently joined them, and a few more of their over-40 colleagues are jumping on board as well. The best part about having so many over-40 colleagues? Everyone is so experienced and adept that no one has to be micromanaged!

On February 18th I’m offering this training to the public for the first time ever. It’s called Vitality! Power Communication for Women 40+ and it’s a unique opportunity to work closely with me and a small group of women. During this 3-hour intensive training I'll teach you the 5 Principles of Power Communication so you can confidently represent yourself in any situation, even if you’ve been overlooked or ignored. I’ll also show you the 3 Power Action Statements that will open doors at work so you can make maximum impact with your skills, knowledge, wisdom and expertise and get the respect you deserve. I’ll even show you how to make Power Connections that create new opportunities to share your wisdom and make a big impact on your community.
There are only 12 tickets available, grab yours here! 

Happy New Year and My New Blog Project

Happy New Year! First, some news:

I’ve begun working on a top-secret, woman-centered project that will launch in July. I want to create a powerful, game-changing experience for women, so I’m asking for your feedback via this anonymous 5-minute survey. Thanks so much for your time, I appreciate it!

In 2022 my blog project was all about resilience. This year my theme is breakthroughs. I’m going to share some amazing ones that I’ve witnessed in my clients, and also in the lives of women I’ve known in my life.

Speaking of breakthroughs, if you are a woman age 40 or older, my next group training “Vitality!” on February 18th is for you. There are only 12 tickets available, so grab yours HERE.

Here’s my first post of the year. Please put your questions in the comments, or reach out to my directly at the links below.

-Alicia

Nan’s “Game of Thrones” Breakthrough

My client Nan* is a talented programmer in her early 30s, with wild raven hair and bright pink makeup. She works for an aeronautics company that employs a relatively small number of women, but many of them are in senior leadership positions that Nan aspired to achieve for herself. Nan came to see me to work on her Power Voice specifically so she could be confident enough to engage with her new mentor, a Global VP that she deeply admired and respected. This woman had a powerful presence that seemed to radiate authority, and Nan noticed that whenever she spoke her team would fly into action, an expression of their complete trust in her. The VP was able to accomplish many challenging goals that had won her wide respect throughout the company. 

Among other Power Voice skills I coached Nan on the Power Pyramid communication style, so she could communicate her ideas in a compelling way. I also taught her some Power Answers to high-pressure questions, so she could show the VP that she could handle being in the spotlight. As her relationship with her mentor grew, she felt comfortable asking for advice about her own career strategy. In one recent meeting, her mentor told her that in order to rise up in the company, Nan should “make it so that others couldn’t live without her.”

This scared Nan a lot, and she came to me for help. She was concerned that the VP was referring to office politics, the toxic “Game of Thrones” paradigm that is common in many highly-competitive workplaces. If you’ve ever experienced that dynamic on your own career path, you know how terrible it is to go to work every day feeling like you have to fight for your life, alone and without any allies you can trust. Nan had no desire to engage in that kind of situation. She was willing to work hard, but not at the expense of her wellbeing and sanity. She didn’t want to burn out just when her career was taking off!

I understood Nan’s concerns, but I wasn’t convinced that her interpretation of the VP’s counsel was correct. The VP herself was well-liked and universally trusted, which didn’t indicate a toxic work culture, in fact just the opposite! I encouraged Nan to go back to the VP and ask her to expand on her words. 

At our next session Nan’s face was relaxed and smiling, and her cheeks were flushed with relief. She told me that the VP had indeed corrected her interpretation of their previous conversation. Rather than telling Nan to engage in toxic office politics, she had been encouraging her to focus on the quality of her work, so that others would recognize how indispensable it was, and promote Nan accordingly. 

This made complete sense to Nan, and she immediately began to schedule her work days for greater productivity. At the same time, she also scheduled dedicated time off each week, where she could close her laptop and enjoy being with her friends. She also planned a 2-week summer vacation to Greece, so she could work toward a big reward that would leave her feeling refreshed when she returned. 

Nan’s breakthrough was about three big things:

1. Recognizing what she was and wasn’t willing to do for her own career (by drawing a firm line against toxic workplace culture)

2. Pushing past her fears and not allowing them to dictate her actions (by asking her mentor for more clarity, instead of assuming the worst)

3. Prioritizing a balanced approach to her new goals (by making sure to schedule time to rest, and by taking all her vacation days)

If you need a big breakthrough of your own, finding your Power Voice can help you get there. Contact me directly for rates and availability.  

My #1 Resilience Tip for Women

©2022 Alicia Dara

I’ve spent the past year studying, researching and reflecting on the extraordinary resilience that women possess, and I’ve shared my findings via dedicated essays on this blog. Some of them were about my clients, and some were about women I’ve encountered in the course of my life (of course names and details were always changed to protect privacy). It was a big project that took a ton of time, but it’s also been a joy, because through my work I was reminded of how powerful women are, and how much we bring to the world via our lived experience. Throughout the year women have written to me from all over the world to tell me how much they've enjoyed my resilience blog project, which made it all worth the effort. Thank you!

To complete this project I would now like to share my conclusion about the most important resilience element at your disposal. It’s something that might not be immediately obvious to you, but it has always been with you in some capacity, and is responsible for many of the choices you’ve made along your journey. Recognizing and highlighting this element in yourself will increase its power tenfold. You may feel its effects immediately, or it may take some time to get used to it, but from everything I’ve researched, observed and experienced though my clients and my own life, it will come to be the guiding force behind your resilience.  

The element I’m referring to is positive self-regard.

Now, if that idea makes you feel cringey, or fearful, or downright disdainful, I want you to know that you’re not alone. So much of the sexist societal conditioning that women receive tells us to keep ourselves small and non-threatening, to put the needs of everyone else before ourselves, and to never boast or brag about our work. 

Let me be clear: I’m not advocating for arrogance. I’m talking about an authentic, inner self-regard that allows us to feel comfortable with our needs, wants, and desires, and to embrace them fully. Once we do that, we can recognize the ways that we might be subverting and/or minimizing them in the name of keeping ourselves small. It also means understanding that our flaws are not fatal, and that they make us fully human. When we are able to hold ourselves in a place of positive self-regard we are also claiming full agency over our lives, and the choices we make as we go forward, including the ones we make in our careers. That equals powerful resilience!

Don’t worry if this idea seems overwhelming. Through my work with women I’ve discovered all kinds of ways to promote authentic self-regard. I’ll share them with you here via 5 questions that you can journal with, to help you take this big leap forward:

1. Are your boundaries strong enough? If you’re not able to draw strong boundaries around your time and energy, you might be living in a constant state of resentment in your career, as in the case of my client Melanie, who was so caught up in it that it was causing health problems, and even affecting her dreams! Or my client Gemma, whose boss tried to run a scam on her. Learning to create and maintain Power Boundaries in your life can help you get free of resentment and enjoy a much more fulfilling career that is based on deep respect for yourself and your needs, and knowing what you need to do your best work. This alone might feel like a revolution of positive self-regard, and it’s something that every woman deserves to experience. You’ll have greater levels of mental, physical and emotional health and stamina to bring to your career, and that can make you much more resilient.

2. Are you curious and open to new ideas? This might seem strange, but we can get so caught up in the daily grind of our lives that we lose perspective on what is happening in our industry, sector and/or career path. Taking time to research and reflect on the bigger picture can guide you to innovative, game-changing ideas that you can harness in your own work. Especially as women age, it’s so important to maintain openness and curiosity about ourselves and our place in the world around us, so that we can maintain a fresh competitive advantage, and not become crystallized in old ways of thinking and working. As my friend Carson discovered, staying open and curious to new ideas and skills reminds you that you’re the captain of your own ship. That’s a great feeling that every woman deserves to experience!

3. Do you take full ownership of who you are? This concept may seem abstract, but it’s actually quite specific, and directly relates to positive self-regard. If you feel ashamed of parts of yourself, it’s hard to heal them and move forward in your full power (I wrote about my experience as a witness to women’s shame in a previous post from 2021). Embracing the full measure of your flaws, faults and mistakes, and forgiving yourself for them, is an extremely powerful action that can open all kinds of new doors, both inner and outer. You may find that you have vast reserves of inner strength that you didn’t know about until you let go of shame, and that alone will make you much more resilient. (NOTE: this is an issue that you may want to work through with a qualified therapist and/or mental health professional, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of either!)

4. Do you actively advocate for yourself at work? My clients are professional career women who often struggle with feelings of being unseen, unheard and unappreciated at work. Especially if you are afraid of conflict, you might be trapped in that cycle. You can see in these stories from my client Reina, who was so afraid of conflict that she accidentally created another job on top of her 9-5, and Janet, who overcame serious impostor syndrome, that this issue is crucial to your positive self-regard. I help women find their Power Voice so they can speak up, get heard and advance their careers. That means learning new skills like the Four Pillars of Public Speaking, the Power Pyramid communication style, Power Answers to high-pressure questions, how to lead Power Meetings, and how to create a Power Presence that they can use for maximum impact in both remote platforms and in-person. Click around my site for more info, and reach out to me for more details about my rates and availability. 

5. Do you celebrate your own accomplishments? It’s no accident that you arrived at this point in your career, and your life! You did it with your skills, knowledge, wisdom and hard work, and you deserve to celebrate milestones with people who love and support you. My client Tyra had a big realization about this that changed the game for her, and ushered in a whole new era of recognition and success in her career. On a personal note, after many years of writing this year I became a published author, and I had a small party with friends that gave me wonderful energy for a brand-new writing project that I’ll share with you in 2023. All to say that you can and should celebrate any of your accomplishments anytime! Let your community praise your hard work, and allow them to celebrate with you. The love you’ll feel from this simple act will help you remember that positive self-regard is a good thing, and that it’s always available to you. 

I hope you found this essay, and this entire blog, helpful on your career journey. Please note that my next Zoom training is “Vitality! Power Communication for Women 40+”, a special 3-hour event on February 18th, and there are only 12 tickets available, so grab your ticket HERE.

I’m taking a short break from my blog to prepare for the New Year. Until then my best to all, and see you in 2023!

New Substack Essay

This blog is where I post stories about my experience coaching thousands of women from around the world, and the extraordinary things I’ve learned from them. Substack is where I post essays of a more personal nature. My latest one is about something I heard when I was a child in Vancouver BC that changed the course of my whole life: “Women Talking In the Rain”

How To Kill the Perfect Woman

©2022 Alicia Dara

One of my long-time clients is a 40ish woman I’ll call Tyra, who has wide-set green eyes and dark, silky hair that she keeps in a high ponytail. She’s the CEO of a growing company that she co-founded a few years ago and is starting to go global. Tyra grew up in a family where she and her sisters were given mixed messages: on the one hand they were told that they could do anything and should reach for the sky. But on the other, they were told that they should never make more money than the men in their life, especially boyfriends and husbands. 

Tyra didn’t question this directive for many years. She worked hard and kept her head down. Because her parents didn’t have much money, she got her undergrad and her MBA from state schools, working night jobs to pay for tuition. She graduated with honors and was accepted for a position at a local bank, where she spent a decade working her way through the ranks, and learning from good mentors who believed in her potential. Before she finally left the bank to co-found her company with a college friend, she was a top earner, and had amassed several big bonuses that allowed her to buy her own apartment. 

In her new role at the new company, Ty spent long days flying all over the country pitching to investors, and she was very successful. She bought a red Dolce and Gabbana power suit that made her feel like a superhero, and she got her hair blown out and nails done before each meeting. But for family gatherings she would change into a simple, modest black dress and tone everything down. She didn’t want her family to know how well she was doing, or how big her ambition was. She hadn’t even told them about buying her apartment. When they asked about her work, she simply said she was “gratefully able to pay her rent and bills”. Her mother would smile sweetly, turn to her father and say, “We raised the perfect woman!”. 

This made Ty furious inside, but she realized that they were only applauding the myth that she herself had willingly created. It had become a shield that she could hide behind when she was in their presence, but it was starting to feel more like a cage. She developed migraine headaches for the first time in her life, and nothing seemed to help. Her work was even starting to be affected.

Tyra decided to get some therapy to help her deal with this issue. Safe in the therapist's office, she started to ask herself if she was hiding her full power in any other areas of her life. Sure enough, she realized that she had never told her current boyfriend that she actually owned the apartment she lived in. Although her sisters were supportive and loved hearing about her work, she’d never told them that she had landed the company's first major investors. In fact, not a single person in her own company knew the full scope of Tyra’s amazing career progress. When she was honest with herself, the gap between what she was supposed to be and who she really was felt horrible.

Something had to give. Tyra decided to stage an end to the Perfect Woman that had haunted her all her life. She invited her boyfriend, her family and her friends to a charity fundraising party at her office, and planned the night’s festivities carefully. First she wanted to welcome everyone, and “come clean” about her accomplishments so she didn’t have to keep hiding. She created a short statement about her progress that included expressions of deep gratitude to her loved ones for supporting her through her career. I coached her on her delivery so that she could speak confidently without minimizing or apologizing. Next she wanted to share more info about her company and the charities they supported, and invite her community to donate. She made a slide deck with relevant details, and we worked on the narrative to make it professional but compelling. Lastly, Tyra ordered a big sheet cake with the image of a woman in a simple black dress etched in icing. 

The night of the party Tyra was very nervous, but she used the Power Performance techniques I taught her to calm her nerves and keep her grounded, and everything went great! Her speech to her family made tears come to their eyes, and her mother told her how proud she was of her accomplishments. Some of her company’s investors were guests at the party, and they stood up toasted her accomplishments, which made Tyra cry as well. Her pitch deck about the company’s history and future brought wild applause, and she was able to get more than 100 people to donate to the causes she loved. When the talking was done, her co-founder rolled out the cake with the woman in a plain black dress (when people asked about it, Tyra told her it symbolized the limits that professional women had to endure in the past). Standing there in her red power suit, Tyra cut slices for everyone, encouraging them to have seconds. By the end of the night there wasn’t a single crumb left, and the Perfect Woman was gone forever. 

So many of my clients have carried their own Perfect Woman myth through their career. Finding and growing your Power Voice means you no longer allow her to speak for you. Using new skills and techniques, you can advocate for yourself and your hard work, even when you’re in the spotlight and under pressure. Email me directly for details about my private Power Voice packages, I’m currently booking clients for the first quarter of 2023.