©2022 Alicia Dara
I just returned from a short trip to Reno, Nevada to get some sun and explore a new city. Reno has a High Desert climate, which is the polar opposite of the Pacific Northwest where I’ve lived for years. The air is clean in a different, drier way, and the sky seems to hold a bolder blue in its arms.
On the second day of the trip I was standing in line at a small cafe that served gluten-free snacks. The place was full of locals, and I paid close attention to their choices so I could benefit from their knowledge of deliciousness. Looking around at all the people, my eye was suddenly drawn to the man on my right. Like me, he was wearing a shirt with long sleeves rolled all the way down. But there was a tattoo sticking out of his wrist cuff, a line of text so small that I had to squint to read it: What’s your favorite movie?
“Return of the Jedi” was the first thing that popped into my head, and I must have said it out loud, because he turned and smiled. He rolled up his sleeves to reveal his forearms, which were covered with more tiny questions: What was your childhood bedroom like? How do you take your coffee? Which parts of the city do you like best and why? What’s your favorite sport? Who is the last call or text you make at the end of the day?
There were tons of them, and they seemed to beg for answers. Before I could even ask about them, the man, whose name was José*, told me he’d spent ten years going on dozens of dates, trying to find someone to share his life with. He had tried and tried, but was just too shy and nervous to be his best self on dates with strangers. But he didn’t give up! He tattooed five simple questions onto his arms, so he wouldn't forget to ask them whenever he went on a date, and kept adding more and more questions along the way. His tattoos cut through the awkwardness of getting to know someone by encouraging them to answer whichever ones they liked. His unconventional method had worked beyond his wildest dreams: not only did he find a great partner just before the Pandemic set in, his tattoos also attracted tons of attention from strangers who often became clients for his plumbing business.
José’s fantastic method of engaging with strangers made me think about an action that many of my clients struggle deeply with. There is plenty of research to indicate that this thing can help you take a huge leap forward in your career, but it’s so challenging that people often choose not to engage with it at all. Have you guessed yet? Yep, I’m talking about networking, and if you’re not doing it you’re missing out on a powerful tool that can open doors, smooth your path, and take you wherever you want to go. Networking with someone you know is 10X easier than with a stranger, but as José’s story shows, strangers can often be the most valuable people to connect with.
The good news is you don’t have to get José-level intense about it. There are some simple questions you can bring to any networking event that can help you engage a stranger in an effective way. Usually it’s best to start with something non-work related but low-stakes, so that you can start friendly and work your way to formal.
“Am I the only one who's been feeling _____ about ____ lately?”
This one is a way of leading with vulnerability, which is a socially desirable trait. You’re letting someone know your thoughts and feelings, and inviting them to share theirs. Ideally they will mirror your take on the subject, which can equal a good connection, but even if they don’t it’s a good way to learn more about them, and pivot to the next question or subject.
“I’ve been wanting to explore more ______ this year. Do you know a good place in the area?”
Asking someone for a recommendation is a great way to indicate that you are flexible and open to new ideas, which is another socially desirable characteristic. If you feel a good connection with the person, you might even suggest that the two of you put together a group of people to try out their recommendation (remember: social networking is more effective than the formal kind, at least in the beginning!). If the person you’re talking to is not from the area, you can ask them more about their hometown and what they like to do there. Take notes so you can check out those places next time you visit.
“Did you know there’s a fantastic _____ restaurant down the street? I’ve booked a table for 12, would you like to join us?”
The sad fact is that most large-scale networking events don’t produce many results. The majority of effective networking goes on afterward, once people have left the formal environment and are relaxing together in casual spaces. This is a great one to use when you’ve spent some time with a person and know that you want to continue connecting. Make sure to book the table in advance. Invite only people you feel good about, and their friends.
Want to learn more Power Skills so you can speak up, get heard and advance your career? “Power Voice for Career Women'' is coming up on June 16th, and there are only 20 tickets, so grab your ticket HERE.